Gavin’s rhythmic breathing is occasionally interrupted as he sleeps next to me. A perfection distraction. I ponder the words for this post and my thoughts keep drifting.
I rolled his pack-n-play into my bedroom earlier tonight while Cammie and Trey began packing Trey’s bags. We’ll say goodbye to Trey Friday morning. He’ll leave for Mississippi where he’ll begin his two month training for Iraq. Then, after returning home for four days, he’ll be off.
Don’t be so melodramatic, I tell myself. But the truth is, it is dramatic. I’ve been given no manual on how I’m supposed to feel or respond to this. I think I’ll stick with being honest.
I’m so proud of him. I’m proud of both of them. Never in a million years could I have fathomed that my oldest daughter would be a Soldier much less marry one. Comprehending the reality of a new family sacrificing so much for the sake of the Soldier’s call was about as real to me as a Liftetime movie.
Until now.
My head says choose your words very carefully, say all the things a mother is supposed to say. My heart says guard your emotions, be strong. But I don’t know all of the right things to say. And quite frankly, I’m very emotional.
Today, Trey is here. But I don’t know what it will be like for Cammie when she begins busying herself next week with Gavin, job hunting and preparations for college in the fall. I have not a clue of what the upcoming year will look like for Trey. How in the world am I supposed to parent? I feel so inadequate. I’m just learning the new role of grandmother. And I still haven’t found my rule book I lost since Sophie was born.
So I won’t pretend.
I’m not super strong. I’m a little scared. Frustration nips at me as I struggle with the roles I’ve been thrust into. Guilt gnaws and I remind myself it’s not about me. I don’t have to know all of the answers.
I know the One who does. And though my words fail, His never do.
When questions and concerns for the Soldier on foreign soil creep in and needs arise here on domestic soil, I’m confident that He will remind me. . .
it’s been awhile rena so i wanted to swing by. my heart yearns to give you a big hug and so i hope that virtually is enough to make you feel my support and love covering you. many prayers are being said for cammie and trey and baby gavin, and i want to extend some prayers to you dear friend. may you continue to find peace in knowing that your reliance on god will help cammie so much as she sees the amazing woman who raised her continue to show her how to get through these more difficult times.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11
I am reminded daily that I have to let go and know that God has a wonderful plan in place. He will take care of our kids. Letting go is the hard part but I know that we have raised good kids and will always try to continue raising them it just comes naturally but we have to let them go in faith that we did our part and trust them to God.
Know that you can call me anytime to talk or cry or both. Trey is like my own child and has always been my favorite of all my nephews. He is a special kid.
My heart hurts for you my friend. Many prayers, thanks and hugs from here in OK to you and yours. May God wrap you each in his arms that you all know He is with you on this journey.
HUGS,
Steff
Praying with you sis,
Ginger
your words are a gift to you. record them now they will be precious to you in the future. you are an awesome woman of God and obviously HE IS NOT FINISHED WITH YOU YET. Or your daughter. Or your son-in-law. Or your precious Grandson. Do not grow weary. He has you in his hand.
Wish I could send you a snuggly bear hug through this screen. It’s got to be rough to be mom and grandma under the same roof. But think also what you’re gaining–time with your grandson that you may not get otherwise. If you need to talk sometime, I’m good at listening.